What Do You Do When 300 Lbs is Knocking On Your Door? (Stuck: Part 1)

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Whose Fat Body is this anyway?

I have hit a diet plateau. My friends are mad at me for not succeeding.

Five years ago, I lost one hundred and eight pounds (108 lbs). I was thirty pounds away from my goal when I stopped and went into maintenance. I had enough of dieting, counting calories and exercise. Losing over one hundred pounds in fourteen months had become increasingly difficult. It was a chore. I stopped and went into maintenance before I became too frustrated.

In five years, I have not gained the weight back. On January 01 of this year, I announced that I was going after those elusive thirty pounds.

Besides being a writer, I am a sharer. I love my friends and family. I share way too much. I told everyone I was going on the Keto diet to lose those last thirty pounds right the hell now! I posted in my blog, my Facebook and Twitter.

I threw out all the bad foods, cookies, cake, chips and ice cream. I studied books and articles about Keto and started dieting. I am (deliberately) walking around more. Weighing in buck-naked became part of my morning routine.

Eating low carb and high protein is difficult. It seems like it should not be, but it is not.

Fifteen pounds came off in 10 weeks. Woo. Hoo. 50% done. Celebrate good times, come on!

Oops, too soon. Fifteen is not thirty. Fifteen is half of thirty.

Now. I’m stuck. The remaining fifteen pounds are not falling off. I have been within one pound of the same weight for nineteen days. I have landed on the dreaded weight-loss plateau.

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My friends and family know what I need to do. I must increase my exercise. Here is the deal, I can’t seem to get started. I don’t want to exercise.

I don’t want to exercise; I don’t. I want to sit at home and write. I want to watch the one duck in the pond swim back and forth. I want to sit outside in the sun. I want to read good books and articles by other writers. I don’t want to exercise.

I’m getting texts from my friends.

“What did you do today?”

“Did you make any progress today?”

“How was your day today?”

“ I had a great day; how about you?”

“So.. what did you weigh this morning.”

“What did you eat today?”

My friends have no understanding of personal space. At least no one has asked me what color panties I have on, yet.

My friends are of every size, but it is my fattest friends (who are not officially on a diet) who are the most concerned. When I lost weight five years ago, they lost weight too by following my process. I did the research and set up the meal plans, but everyone benefitted. We supported each other.

Our conversations are about my diet. They are taking it personally that I am not meeting my goals. Their behavior illustrates disappointment as if I am letting them down.

I feel bad about being a lazy bitch who won’t exercise to lose that last fifteen pounds.

I keep making plans and not executing. I have a million reasons why I don’t want to join the YMCA that is one mile from my house. I could get up and walk around outside every morning, but the morning is when I write my best stuff.

Maybe I could walk around the pond watching the duck as I circle the pond, but I don’t want to confuse the little duck by moving out of normal my spot. The duck swims back and forth in front of me when I sit outside.

In truth, I want to stop dieting right now. I want my pasta, soft drinks, candy and Kit Kats. I love my delicious homemade soft bun hamburgers. My vanilla ice cream shakes made with real ice cream. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to stop.

But I won’t. I committed that I would lose those last thirty pounds. I haven’t. I advertised it to my friends and family. I promoted myself as an example of taking care of yourself.

It has only been three months. I will stay on this diet for at least another three months to see what happens. Am I going to work out or walk more or do something else physical? Unknown.

What I am going to do is put on my pretty big girl panties, pull them up and meet the commitment I made to myself.

I’m going to take my friends and families comments as encouragement.

Me and my fat friends will discuss my next moves in detail. I’ll keep them informed about my weight loss, pound by pound, up or down. I’ll take their advice when I can. Being held accountable is part of being an adult. Sharing your challenges is part of being a good friend.

I need to lose another fifteen pounds over the next three months.

I will. 15 pounds to go.

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