Learning about Love at the Nail Shop
The One Simple Command for A Better Relationships
Take action when your man is not meeting your expectations. This advice will save you a lot of grief: Bad Man. Put Out.
I was back at the nail shop. My eyebrows were trying to grow back together. My toes still looked good, but, after two-and-a-half weeks, my nails were ready for a manicure. It was time.
My technician and I were eavesdropping on the unhappy customer getting a dip-fill two tables away from us > she was telling the sad story of how she put her poor best friend out of her home.
She allowed her childhood friend to stay with her and her husband. Her friend was having a tough life and was homeless. She did what a good friend was expected to do and tried to ease her friend’s pain.
She climbed into her bed one night and was greeted by the distinct aroma of sex on sheets that should have been clean. They were not clean. Someone was having sex in her house on her sheets with her husband.
Once confronted, the cheating pair confessed. She slapped the stew out of her friend and put her out on the spot. The husband begged and pleaded. He stayed.
My nail tech speaks English well, but English is her second language. Her English is concise. No wasted words.
My tech whispered, “Nookie with friend. Bad man. Put out.” The “put out” was said with much emphasis as she made a sweeping motion of her right arm.
She then made a circle with her hands and stuck her fingers through it performing the international sign for sex while shaking her head.
I leaned forward and whispered my agreement back. We laughed, then both of us shot side glances at the woman two tables down. Had she heard us? No, she had not.
I said, “I had a boyfriend who peed on the floor in my bathroom multiple times. He lifted the top but missed the toilet. He never wiped it up.”
My technician smiled, “ Pissy man. Put out.” Then she put her hands together and acted like she was shooting pee at the floor. Squirt, squirt.
“He was a pig,” I said. “Bad man. Put out.”
A well-dressed woman on my left looked over and smiled.
I’m liking this game.
“How about a man who won’t clean himself up and smells bad.” I pretended to sniff under my arm.
My tech said, “ Soap and water, wash him, he stay.”
“No,” said a large woman getting a sparkly gel manicure. “Put out. I hate lying next to a man that smells. Those are the ones who always want you to put your mouth on their dirty weiner.”
All of us made a squinty face. I’m certain that each of us had confronted a filthy penis at one time or another.
When confronted with an unpleasant smelling dick, I had gotten a wash rag and soap. The man was offended and left before there was any action. I would not suck it unwashed. Who knew where it had been? Or rather I knew exactly where it had been: up some other woman’s hoo-ha.
“Who can breathe in that cheesy odor all night?” The woman continued, opening her mouth and puffing air in and out.
The surrounding women laughed. “Bad man. Put out” sparkly nails said. I puffed up my cheeks and blew out a long breath.
“A friend of mine had a guy who ate like an animal, chewed with his mouth open, and made noises when he ate,” said the woman on the right. She opened her mouth wide and made chomping sounds.
The tech rolled her eyes, “ Eat at home, he stay. “
We had stopped whispering as we were laughing loudly now.
The woman wearing a flowered shirt said, “ I had a husband who spent all the money in our checking account, then wrote bad checks and forged my signature.”
My tech said, “ Thief, put out. He worth nothing.”
The flowered shirt woman said, “I did.”
A red-haired young woman was waiting for her turn. “ My friend’s father had a baby with another woman. He was 67 years old. His wife trashed his things. I never saw him again.”
My tech said, “ Old man, old wife, no new baby! Put out! Put out with nothing.”
I said, “ Who wants to be old and chasing after a toddler… particularly a toddler from an affair. Oh, no. Not me. Bad man! Put out.”
A woman getting her pedicure flower design said,” My boyfriend was wearing my panties and bras when I wasn’t home. He gave me in a fashion show one night.”
I asked, “Put out?”
“ Nope,” she said, “I married him. He had hidden talents.”
She winked her eye as she said, “hidden.”
My tech said, “Nookie with the wife. He stay.” dragging the word stay out long and slow.
We all laughed again. The shop was quiet for a minute as we thought about men with hidden talents.
“Yes,” we all said together shaking our heads, “Yes. He stays.”
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