An Ugly Truth
“Weight loss doesn’t begin in the gym with a dumbbell; it starts in your head with a decision.” Toni Sorenson
I don’t want to make the changes needed to reach my goal weight.
I need to lose more weight, but I don’t. I don’t. It’s only another 10 pounds. Let’s count them: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Instead of trying to lose weight, I went on maintenance. I am deliberately staying within 2–3 pounds of the same weight.
The last time I stopped losing weight and went on maintenance, it was five years before I started to diet again. I’m like a child throwing a tantrum: but mommy, I don’t want to. Depending on how your parents raised you that sentence could require you to duck!
The problem is that I eat too much. I enjoy eating too much. I love the taste of food in my mouth. I need that full feeling after eating delicious food in my life.
And I’m tired. I’m tired of watching my food intake, of counting calories, of trying to exercise regularly, of not having the second glass of wine or even enjoying a small piece of cake.
I grew up in a big family, six kids, mom and dad, my uncle, his wife, and their two kids. We were poor, and there were too many bills and kids. All the adults were busy hustling to stay above water.
As the oldest, I took care of younger children. That included being taught to cook.
I loved being in the delicious smelling kitchen with my Cousin Dorothy or my mother. They gave me little tastes as they taught me how to cook. It was stealth education at its finest.
We had plenty of delicious cheap southern food, pork chops, and gravy, smothered chicken, greens, potato salad, fried okra, gumbo, red beans and rice, peach cobbler and hot water cornbread. We always cooked plenty and ate to our heart’s content. Being in the kitchen with them was when I knew I was loved.
As an adult, I desire to be in the kitchen. Cooking and eating.
I think, “I don’t weigh 600 pounds. I don’t even weigh 200 pounds. I’m fine. I’ll maintain this weight and be happy for the summer than in September; I will go back on my diet.”
Liar.
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Another story: Trying to Live a Normal Life While Dieting Is BS
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I can be reached at https://www.tonicrowewriter.com/
